Tuesday, May 31, 2016

I Could Have Been That Mother at the Zoo

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/content/dam/news/2016/05/29/99356270_Harambe_a_17-year-old_gorilla-NEWS-large_trans++qVzuuqpFlyLIwiB6NTmJwfSVWeZ_vEN7c6bHu2jJnT8.jpg


I'm going to tell a hypothetical story. So bear with me.

I can't believe she cancelled. We had this planned for weeks, and I already bought the tickets. I wish my husband didn't have to work today, but maybe if we go early enough it will be okay.
I get my kids ready and put them in the car. They are very excited to go to the zoo. It isn't the best zoo, but I  know it will make them happy to see the animals. Hopefully they behave today. I've been having so much trouble with Tristan lately. He's not been listening, and misbehaving. I do have a meeting with the behavioral therapist on Friday, I hope that goes well.
We get to the zoo, the parking lot is just starting to fill up. I brought a stroller just in case, but usually my boys are good at walking. 
We start our tour. I immediately begin to realize this might turn out poorly. There are so many children running around, and that aways excites Tristan. And Aramis just does what Tristan does. I hold their hands and push the stroller with my diaper bag sitting in the seat. Tristan runs away from me, and I run to catch up and grab his hand. 
We stop at the playground, hoping it will help get some of their energy out before continuing. But it doesn't get better. At this point we are well into the zoo, and I realize we need to make our way out. I can't do this on my own.
"Mommy, I want to be a gorilla," Tristan says to me.
"I think that's very cool, but it's time for us to go," I say to him. "Please stand still so I can put Mis in his stroller." The crowd has gotten very thick, and there are a lot of people. The sooner we get out there better. I start to lift Mis to put him in the stroller.
"I'm going to go swim with the gorilla," I hear Tristan say. I grab his hand and put it on the stroller.
"Stand still," I tell him again. I get Mis buckled, and then I hear a splash. And then screams.
I turn around to see Tristan missing.
My heart jumps into my throat. What happened?? I start screaming his name, but when I see people in the crowd gathering and pointing towards the gorilla enclosure, I realize my worst fear has come true. I rush to the fence, and see Tristan down in the water.
Oh my god, oh my god oh my god!
I'm screaming in my head.
"Don't move Tristan! Help! Someone help me!" I keep watching "Oh my god, oh my god!"
The gorilla has started to move towards him.
"Don't hurt him!" I scream, even though I know it won't understand me. The zoo director has shown up with a team of people to help. They tell me to stay calm. But how can I stay calm?? People are shouting and it seems to be making the animal agitated. I'm so afraid. 
He's hurting my son. Oh Tristan! Why did you jump in there??
They pull out a gun. Why do they have a gun??? Is it a tranquilizer?
"No don't shoot! You might hurt my son!" I scream frantically. But it's too late, I hear the shot! OH  my god, my son is going to die!
"Tristan!" I think I'm going to faint. Its all over in a few minutes. The gorilla is dead. My son is safe. 
The first angry words happen as we are leaving. 
"You should be ashamed of yourself."
"You shouldn't have had kids."
"It's your fault!"
"Your son should have died!"
"Control you kids bitch!"
I hurry out as fast as I can.
The next morning, it's all over the news. It's all over social media. My Facebook wall has blown up with threats. Tears roll down my cheeks as I read strangers tell me I should be arrested, and that I shouldn't be a mother. Tristan comes up to me and takes my hand.
"I'm sorry mommy, I didn't mean to make you sad." I pull him into a hug, glad he is safe.
I'm afraid to leave my house. I'm afraid of people harming my family. I didn't ask them to kill the gorilla. Perhaps I should have been holding Tristan's hand while buckling Mis in, but it was so crowded, and I was trying to get out of there as fast as possible. I don't know what happened. Too many things at once.



It wasn't me. But it could have been. I have a spirited 5 year old. Sometimes he doesn't listen, despite my better efforts. Do I know this woman? Do I know her kids? Do I know her life circumstances? No, but I know I am not perfect. And I know I have had bad days in my journey as a parent. Spanking doesn't always curb bad behavior. even the most devout and attentive parents have children who misbehave.

She didn't ask for the gorilla to be killed. She didn't ask for her son to run off and jump into the enclosure. She is just a young mother and she made a mistake. None of us are perfect parents. None of us get it right 100% of the time. Does that warrant excessive threats and anger? What people forget is, we endanger gorillas in the first place. Then we captured them and put them in cages to gawk at.

I learned this speaking to angry people about the situation:

  • I should stay home instead of go out.
  • I shouldn't take my children anywhere without an extra pair of hands.
  • I should have been more prepared to deal with a spirited child before I thought about having kids.
  • Other mothers do it just fine.
  • I shouldn't be a mother if I can't handle my kids in public.
  • I should discipline my children no matter where I am with "hand to bum".
  • I am a "new wave parent" and like to make excuses for everything instead of take responsibility
  • I should plan always for the worst.
  • I am ultimately responsible for anything bad that happens if my children are involved.
  • I am deserving of public condemnation through media outlets and social media if my child makes a mistake.
  • Because a child could be spirited, and I probably can't handle it 100% of the time perfectly, I am unfit to be a mother.
  • The zoo is the worst place to take children.
  • Calling for compassion is the same thing as making up excuses.
  • The internet is full of people who are perfect.


I'm ashamed that 83% of American's identify as Christian, but have no compassion or Christlike charity towards a mother who is now facing retribution for a death she did not cause. Her son made an ignorant choice while she was tending to her other child. It does not make her a bad parent. Could she have kept a better eye on him? Yes. Is it her responsibility to watch him? Yes. But as a mother myself, with children I have had to chase into parking lots and snatch out of dangerous situations, I hold no judgment for her. Because it very easily could have been me. Or more importantly, you who now hold so much contempt for someone you have not met, it could have been you.

Let him who is perfect, cast the first stone

Friday, May 27, 2016

6 Fallacies of Gender

I'm going to discuss a series of common fallacies, some briefly described in Fallacy no. 1 and then in greater detail subsequently.

Fallacy no. 1

  Men and women are different, therefore their roles should be different.

Wrong. Just because something or someone is different, does not mean they should be treated or made to behave differently.

To the ignorant, naked eye, men and women might appear different. They have different physiques, appear to have different mental or emotional statuses, and clearly have different roles in our current society. But did you know men and women aren't actually that different?
A recent study led my neuroscientist Daphna Joel of the Tel Aviv University in Israel found that most people have a mix of what had previously been thought of as male and female brain qualities. For example, men, in studies when MRI technology was first made possible, showed to have larger hypocampi, the area of the brain associated with emotion. However, since then, with better technologies, and larger groups to sample from, previously classified "female" and "male" structural differences now are shown evenly across the sexes, and vary based on experience and environment.

Men and women are also similar in the sense that they all start out as female. Or if you want to get really specific, gender neutral. During fetal development, there is a burst of testosterone that will start a baby on its way to becoming male. Of course, it was always going to be male because it was fertilized with a Y sperm, but without that hormone added at the right developmental stage, it would become female. Or a combination of both male and female. But regardless, we all start out looking exactly the same.

A penis and a clitoris are comprised of the exact same tissue. In transgender individuals, females transitioning to male specifically, can actually develop a penis on their own given the correct supplementation of testosterone. And males transitioning to females, especially during adolescence, can develop breasts with the addition of estrogen. Of course, men and women all have both hormones, but the variances between the sexes is what causes some body parts to develop more than others.

So you see, men and women aren't actually that different from each other. What has made us the most different is our roles in society. Or more specifically, the roles placed on us from participating in a society. We can see in many species where size is a major factor in which one sex dominates the other. A good example for me is a Praying Mantis. The female is much larger than the male, and only requires him for mating. After she has had her way with him, she eats him. Her size gives her a major advantage.

In humans, on average, thanks to testosterone and sexual selection, males tend to be larger and stronger than females. We selected for this. But the negative consequences have been males dominating females for millennia. And very successfully too. Males would use females for their own pleasure and purposes.  And it wasn't uncommon for males to have harems and many many offspring. It was an efficient way to perpetuate their genetics, which while there isn't an endgame in evolution, it seems to be the goal of every member of a species.

http://ldsmag.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/09/Fam-Proc.jpg
But just because males have successfully enslaved females for generations, does not mean that it is divine or good. Religion and popular society have taken the idea of women and men being different, sugar coated it with God, and peddled it like hot cakes. Religion, in part, is what keeps women enslaved and treated worse than men. The Mormon church even has a document touted as doctrine telling women to be homemakers and child bearers. Women are still encouraged not to have careers. They still are paid less when they have a career. Women still bear the burden of men's sexuality, in terms of birth control, rape and assault, modesty, and childrearing. And many religious groups ascribe this to divinity and godly appointed gender roles, and gender being an eternal characteristic. When in all actuality, it is just a social construct in order to keep males in dominion over females.

Fallacy no. 2

  Women can have babies, therefore women should be mothers and raise children.

Wrong. Just because a woman is capable of becoming pregnant, giving birth, and nursing a child, it does not mean she is obligated to be a mother, or be a homemaker. Not all women are able to bear children, and not all women want to have children. And some women who desire children, have no desire to be homemakers.

The fallacy here is that because a woman can have baby, she should take care of that baby. This is a very, very old fallacy. As our specifies evolved, we selected for larger males and smaller females. Females desired protection and providence from males for themselves and their offspring. And so long as a male thought the child was his, he would provide for it. Society has taken this and applied it to gender roles, using men's hunting and gathering and placing them into the category or career driven breadwinner. And the woman has gone from cave-dwelling nurturer, to home-making nurturer.

Does this mean it has to be this way? No, certainly not. As discussed above, men and women's brains aren't so different. We are both capable of thought, problem solving, creativity, and learning. With modern conveniences, a woman can pump breast milk or use formula. She is not absolutely required to be present. There are many single fathers, there are gay fathers, there are grandparents, guardians, and others who raise children who are not the birth mother. Women do not have to raise children. And if a woman gives birth to a child, she is not absolutely required to give up her life and remain in the home.

These are archaic gender roles. Men can be home with the children. Women can work outside of the home. Men and women are both capable of being nurturing parents. And neither should be forced to be parents if they do not wish to be.

Fallacy no. 3

  Men are less emotional and more objective, therefore men are better suited for leadership.

Wrong. This is stereotype, that men are less emotional and more objective. It has been perpetuated as a means of control and dominion over women. As discussed above, it was originally found that males seemed to present a larger hipocapus, the area of the brain primarily associated with emotion. But over larger case studies over more varying individuals, it was found that there was variance in the size and function of brain portions across both sexes. There wasn't found definitive brain differences between males and females.

Socially, women are conditioned to be more emotional, and men less emotional. This does not mean it is absolutely rooted in biology. It may have something to do with a person's biology, but it is not "men are less emotional and women are more emotional". These are generalizations, and they are wrong.

We can see several very blatant examples within our current presidential race. We have a female candidate, who has been accused of being emotional, playing the gender card, unable to make rational decisions because of her hormones, and being bitchy because she is motivated and determined. Her qualities, if viewed in a man, would be applauded. But, because she is a woman, they are frowned upon. Women who are confident are bitchy. Women who become angry are hormonal. Women who succeed are actually unhappy and unfulfilled.

I myself recently fell into this horrible stereotype of looking at a female as less capable than a male when I learned that my surgeon was female, my anesthesiologist was female, and every single one of my nurses was female. Society has conditioned me to think poorly of my own gender. When I realized what my first thought was, I chided myself. I knew that wasn't true. I knew my surgeon had completed her medical degree and residency and had been in practice for over 15 years. And I realized I probably wasn't the first person to think this of her. There had probably been many other who had actually voiced their negative opinion of her abilities due to the fact that she is a woman.  This does not mean she is incapable. Her gender has nothing to do with her ability to work efficiently at whatever career she chooses.

In religion, we often see that the man is placed in primary leadership roles, where women are not. Using the Mormon church as an example, men have the priesthood. Women are told their ability to bear children is like having the priesthood. But they are still unable to handle church finances, act with authority, or lead congregations. There has never been a woman bishop, general authority or prophet. Women are reserved for primary (the children's organization), relief society and young women's, or Sunday school teaching. And still with zero power or authority. There will always be a man they refer and defer to.
Collins from Mormon Pride and Prejudice

In my own personal experience, I have found men to be much more extreme in terms of emotion. Emotion is often misclassified as sadness or crying. However, emotion has a wide range of expression, from happiness to anger, to sadness to contempt. Personally, I have seen women handle their emotions better than men. And yet, I have been the victim of gender abuse, having been told I am "PSMing" when I have gotten angry, or I "must be on  my period" if I get sad quickly, or I'm just "too sensitive" when I react poorly to a situation, or I'm "nagging" if I ask for something more than once. I've been called a bitch, and a twat, and a woman driver. All of these things are wrong to say to a woman. While a woman may be on her period, or she may be asking multiple times, each of these phrases are associated with a negative gender stereotype, and regardless of her stage in her menstrual cycle, it has nothing to do with her expression. And should never be used as a way of insulting her.

Fallacy no. 4

  Women have breasts and hips which are inherently sexual, therefore women should be modest.

Wrong. Society has sexualized the female body. It is not inherently sexual. Attractiveness was selected for through eons of evolution. What is considered attractive, can be correlated with reproduction. The fittest pass on their genes. What is considered attractive has roots in biology. As stated above, humans selected for larger males. We also selected for curvy shaped females. Sexual selection helped to shape our definitions of beauty in both males and females, including symmetry, broad shoulders, full  breasts, wide hips, hair and eye color, and stature.

Biologically, men are driven to reproduce. A man is sexually fit, or able reproduce his entire life and can reproduce as many times as he has sex. A woman is only sexually fit until she enters menopause, and can only typically bear one child at a time, which takes 9 months. This puts males at a biological advantage.

http://ell.h-cdn.co/assets/15/46/980x490/landscape-1447175108-angels-index.jpg
It is common knowledge that heterosexual males are visually stimulated by the female body. In our current society, there is a stigma surrounding female modesty for the very reason. Women bear the burden of men's sexuality. We caution women to "cover up" so as not to attract the wrong kind of attention. But is it possible that we have selected for hyper sexuality because of this? Visit an indigenous tribe of New Zealand where women go topless and you will notice, the men are still able to perform their daily tasks without oggling at bosoms all day long. Why? Because they weren't conditioned to hyper sexualize the female body. Nakedness is normal to them. A good example for us is men's nipples. Around the turn of the century, it was indecent for men to expose their chests. That changed as society evolved, and now it is perfectly acceptable for a man to go around bear chested. For a woman, it is still considered indecent exposure.

This is unfortunately to the point that women are shamed publicly for having their breasts exposed while nursing their baby. But a woman in a bikini walking down the strip in Vegas is perfectly acceptable. Our current standards of modesty are unfairly applied to women for men's benefit. And this is largely in part due to unfair application of religious and cultural tenants. Women's bodies are not inherently sexual. We have made them to be that way. As stated above, men have successfully enslaved women for their own purposes for millennia.

Fallacy no. 5

  Every species has a male and female, therefore gender is important.

Wrong. Not every species has a male and female. Not every species participates in traditional sex for reproduction.

Teiidae is a family of lizards native to the Americas, and some populations are all female. No males at all. They reproduce by parthenogenesis, meaning they clone themselves. To do this? They engage in lesbian pseudocopulation, which stimulates egg production. They don't need males. They evolved and selected for a female only population.

http://i1.wp.com/knowledgenuts.com/wp-content/uploads/
Currently, there is significant debate about gender and it's role in society. From fair wages for men and women, to bathroom usage by transgender persons. Christian conservatives have been in opposition to equal rights for LGBTQ for several years now, helping to stall valuable legislation to aid members of the LGBTQ community in fair treatment.

Gender is important. But it does not mean men and women need to behave or be treated differently. Gender is an important part of someone's identity. Does it have to be? No, but culturally, we have made it important. Which is why transgender people struggle to be accepted in the same way as traditional males and traditional females, or those who were born female or male and continue to identify as such. Mormons fall into the trap of believing gender is eternal, and god organized them according to the gender they have always been. This is merely a religious tactic to maintain control over it's population. Because if gender is eternal and divinely appointed, being a woman and bearing children is divine. Being a man and presiding over congregation and family is divine. You make the roles we created as a society decrees from deity, and it is a very effective way to keep them in place. 


Fallacy no. 6

  God gave women to men, therefore women should submit to men.

Wrong. There is no evidence to suggest a deity of any kind created humans, and certainly none to suggest a woman must submit to a man.

Across the world, for centuries, women have been property. They have been bartered for, bought, sold, traded, abused, used, raped, stoned, covered, hidden, shamed, and mutilated by men. In some cultures, women are sold into marriage to a much older man as soon as they become childbearing, or reach puberty, which for some girls is as young as 8. Some cultures require females, and not males, to be completely chaste before marriage; they are even checked physically for their virginity. If they are found to be compromised, they can be put to death. Some cultures remove a woman's clitoris, to prevent her from enjoying sexual relations. A woman can be blamed for her rape; even in western culture, women are still blamed for their sexual abuse. They were wearing the wrong outfit, they were in the wrong place, they were drinking. We aways question the woman before the man.

Society has come a long way, but we still bear the burden of archaic chauvinism and gender inequality. Women are still shaming each other for working outside of the home or not having children. Men still earn higher wages for similar jobs. Men still find themselves in more and greater leadership roles than women. Studies show that men and women trust a man to do a job better than a woman. In many religions, the man presides over the family, and the woman must submit to him. In Mormonism, I remember going through the temple and being so startled by the inherently sexist language used during the bizarre rituals I was participating in. I tried talking to my then devout husband about it several times, but he always had the apologist answers. Men and women are different but equal. Women can have babies and men have the priesthood. Men can be sealed to more than one woman, but not the other way around. A woman is called to heaven by her husband who is called to heaven by god. A woman is a priestess unto her husband, not unto god. I  emember being so confused and irritated that I had to go through a man to approach my god. It didn't seem right.

I didn't like the LDS view of women in the eternities either. Just an eternal baby maker. With no real authority or power. Needing to be protected from humanity by her eternal husband, who became GOD while she just sits on a throne in silence, never talking to or hearing from her children she was eternally forced to bear. It sounded more like hell to me.  I couldn't bear the thought of being eternally silent, and as a perfected exalted being! No perfected exalted being requires protection, because they are above hurt. So saying God loves his wife so much he keeps her hidden so no one will make fun of her, is just chauvinism. It's not protection. Its misogynistic.

We have no reasonable evidence to suggest any of mankind's (notice the subtle sexism in the way we refer to our species?) zillion gods exist. Therefore we have no reason to believe men were given dominion over everything, nor that women should submit to men. We have no reason to believe men and women are different and therefore should assume different roles. We have no evidence to suggest that gender is eternal or black and white. In fact, we have more evidence to the contrary. Gender is biologically based, but socially constructed, and extremely complicated.

My conclusion? It's time to step out of the  gender dark ages, start treating men and women as equals, and quit freaking out over nipples. Everyone has them, just some are fattier than others, including men's.



For your sexist pleasure:

Bitch: Femininely based insult, a difficult or unpleasant situation or thing
Cunt: A vulgar insult, referring to a female's genitals.
Pussy: An insult referring to being cowardly, using a vulgar slang for female genitals
Twat: An insult referring to being stupid, ignorant or annoying, using vulgar slang for female genitals
Like a Girl: An insult to a person's abilities by way of using the female gender
Slut: A promiscuous woman
Sissy: Femininely based insult, cowardly
Whore: A promiscuous woman who sells sex
Cougar: Older women a young man wants to have sex with
Grow a Pair: Usually said to someone who is immature or incapable, signifying having testicles makes you a more capable individual


Thursday, May 26, 2016

Disconnect Immediately with those who have "Lost Their Faith"

I had a chilling realization this past week watching a TV show of all things. It came during a show called "The Path". It is not for the faint of heart, so if you are emotionally compromised due to religion,  this is not the show for you.

The main character has begun to realize the "movement" to which he belongs is fake. And he is struggling with family relationships, particularly with his devout wife. In trying to defend why her religion is true, he takes her by the shoulders and says "we do good but the rest is f*ckin fairy tales!"

I literally got chills when he said that. And no it wasn't any sort of spirit testifying to me one way or another. It was part of my human experience, recognizing I myself was in a similar situation not that long ago. And it was so on point with my experience, it scared me.

When their son is found to be spending time with an IS girl, or NonMormon, if you will, there is a huge uproar in the family. She is there to tempt him, lead him away from his family and the light. Her ultimate goal is to make him miserable. He tells her this, when unsure what to do, and she says its bull, that any religion that tells you who you can like or who you can associate with is bad.

The boy tells his family he wants to leave the faith. His father, doubting himself but fearful of losing his family, of course supports it. His mother immediately disconnects herself from him and lets him walk out the door. Because it was his choice to lose his family.

Sorry if I spoiled the show for any of my readers,  but the way it mirrors Mormonism scared me. The discomfort with the outside world. The prayers. The family ties. The charity work. The fear. The control. The bizarre rituals and rites. The language describing the light and nonmembers. The brainwashing of children and youth. The deceit from leaders. I mean, it's Mormonism to the T, minus the drugs.

It also made me think back to a talk I had seen floating around, a talk that admonished members to disconnect from those who have lost their faith.

To disconnect from people like me.

Why?

The Mormon might answer that my lack of faith would drive the spirit away, and bring disscontempt and chaos to their life. You don't associate with things that don't bring the spirit, and someone like me is in direct conflict with their beliefs. Which makes them uncomfortable. Threats to their belief shake them up. I've dealt with this many times now. They end up bearing testimony very quickly that they just know. Nothing you say will convince them otherwise, because they JUST KNOW. Or the JUST FELT IT.

So if they are so bull headed, why disconnect? Because, when presented with evidence enough, you might get curious. You might want to know for yourself. You might even innocently be looking for a way to prove the nonbeliever wrong, which is what I did. Since none of my leaders would answer my questions, I did what I did for any research paper, I turned to google. It didn't make sense to me that google would provide fantastic information for every other topic but Mormonism. But then again, if the adversary is real, and the Mormon church is the only true church, duh, he's going to have a hand in google searches.

I hope you can see how ridiculous that sounds. Because it sounds ludicrous to me now.

Tell your members to entrench back in the doctrine, bolster up their doubts with faith, leave the world and any naysayers behind. This will bring them joy unmeasured in the kingdom of god. Because all will be made right when Christ returns, and every knee shall bow and every tongue confess. It's better to be on god's side before he burns the earth. The nonbelievers may be having their fun, but you know  Christ is coming (or as Meyerists call it "the Future is coming"), and you need to be prepared.

Disconnecting from those who have left the faith will help to strengthen your testimony. It will test your faith especially if you are leaving family members behind, but Christ said to leave everything and follow him. God comes before family.

I think the leaders of the Mormon church recognize what a threat someone like me is. Because I represent t heir weakness, I represent their lies and falsehood. I represent the fact that they are wrong. And with so many members paying, someone like me, or  a lot of someones like me, can do significant damage. Its the age of information and social networking. And a church so young, with such a perverse history, can't stand up to the information that is available. For too long leadership has been peddling lies about the church's beginnings. About it's recent history even. It wasn't hard when getting your hands on information was difficult. But now, its out in the open. And their efforts to be transparent have only been propaganda in their favor to quench the questioning but not curb the curiosity. A bandaid answer does not fix the problem. And even after reading the church's essays, I still wanted to know more. I wasn't satisfied with "we don't have all the answers". I didn't believe a church that professed to be the one and only of god was lacking in basic answers to common doctrinal questions.

And so when they failed to shut us up with excommunication, they told members to "get off Google" and "disconnect immediately from those who have lost their faith". This is nothing more than a last stitch effort to keep control. They declared pornography a public health crisis to aid in the attempt to get people off of the internet. The internet is full of information. And they cannot have members gaining access to that information! Because if they do, they will lose their members. So rehash over and over and over the same feel-goods on Sunday, keep telling the members people like me are lost, keep perpetuating hate towards LGBTQ and encouraging your members police each other for apostasy. Keep teaching youth to marry quickly, before they have a chance to grow up, tell them to have many babies that they can brainwash from birth. Encourage them to go to church schools. Encourage them to serve missions right out of high school, to limit their contact with the outside world. Encourage them to "love their neighbors" which also means standing up for their non threatened beliefs anywhere and everywhere. I can't tell you how many Mormon teens have Facebook pages full of church propaganda, no real profile picture, but a sticker that says "I am a Mormon" and a wall full of general authority posts. No real identity past their religion. It is all they are.

Its just control. They see their corporation is threatened, and they are scared. They are excommunicating people left and right for questioning, because they are scared. Don't give into their fear tactics. Don't forsake your loved ones because some old white man told you to. If god truly existed, he would value family above all else. Not himself. He wouldn't encourage memes mocking gays and transgenders. He wouldn't condone punishment for questions. He certainly wouldn't tell you to kick your kids out for not believing anymore. But that is exactly what Mormon leaders are telling members to do, or inadvertently encouraging them to do. Don't accept it. Don't give in.

Don't disconnect from me because you think I am a threat to your beliefs.

"If we have truth it cannot be harmed, if we have not truth, it ought to be harmed". Wise words from a past president of the corporation of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. So if they fear the harm, what is the logical conclusion to be made?

Sunday, May 22, 2016

Is Mormonism a Cult?

I've heard some pretty crazy things since leaving the church. But honestly, the most crazy stuff has come right out of the mouths of the still faithful. Why is it that members are so bitter and angry towards those who leave?

Is it because we are a threat? Because they are afraid of us? Because they fear becoming like us? Why do they tell us we are liars when we talk truthfully about the church? Why do they resort to name calling, character attacks, and threats?

"You will be held accountable for the lies you spread"

"You will have to answer for your sins"

"You are proof of Satan's existence"

"You will regret your choices"

"You will lose your family"

"You are the weak link in the chain"

I've heard more....

If these comments sound loving, you are insane.

Members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints are ignorant of something: they belong to a cult. A very very large one, but a cult nonetheless. And when someone escapes the cult, they receive quite a backlash. From being shunned and disowned, and being told they never really believed, to being threatened with eternal damnation.

Sounds like a great way to get people to come back, right? Several times, voicing my opinion of the church since leaving, I was antagonized. I was bullied. I was told i was the know-it-all in a thread involving 10 people against one. I've been told I have an agenda. I've been told I will regret what I'm doing. I was even threatened in my letter confirming my resignation with the eternal consequences of my choices.

A cult can be defined by several criteria:

  1. a particular system of religious worship, especially with reference toits rites and ceremonies
  2. a group having a sacred ideology and a set of rites centering around their sacred symbols.
  3. a religion or sect considered to be false, unorthodox, or extremist, with members often living outside of conventional society under the direction of a charismatic leader.
  4. a sect devoted to such a system
  5. a specific system of religious worship, especially with reference to its rites and deity
  6. a religious organization using devious psychological techniquesto gain and control adherents


Mormonism is a relatively new, small religious group. It centers around sacred rituals with symbols. It is considered strange (a peculiar people) and extreme by outsiders. It is lead by a group of charismatic men, who are praised with hero-worship by the members. There are many psychological techniques employed to control membership.

How many times did the congregation erupt into applause anytime President Hinckley raised his cane? How many girls and guys go gaga at the opportunity to shake the hand of a general authority?  How many times do members sing "Praise to the Man" or "We Thank Thee O God, For a Prophet" with vigor and much weeping? How many Sunday school lessons center around the eternal family, and how you can lose it? Why do members pay tithing? So they won't be burned at the last day. Why do members learn all of the signs and tokens? To pass by the angels and claim their godhood. Do member's dress and eating habits set them apart from the rest of the world? Are members encouraged to not marry outside of the faith?

And members are warned about the outside world. It is a dark, scary place with devious people. It is a fallen world to save. Members are even more warned about anyone who "turns against the light". And those who "lean unto their own understanding". Most recently, they have been told to "disconnect immediately with those who have lost the faith". Why?

Why are Mormons so defensive and afraid of information? They defend their doctrine and their leaders to a fault, with anger, and malice, and judgement. They attack your character, rather than ideas. I have found myself in numerous arguments where I have been attacked, being called names and being told I would face judgement. By people who are supposedly Christians! What is wrong with Mormons? They seem so nice and so sweet when you are a member, or a potential member, but the minute they see you as a threat, they get violent.

I've had several people I don't even know comment on this very blog, telling me I have no idea what I'm talking about. That I never believed. That I'm lying. That I will answer for my sins. What the hell is wrong with Mormons? Don't they have missionary discussions to preach to the neighbors? I mean, good gawd are they a scary bunch of folks.

They have this need, this ridiculous addiction to making everyone see the world the way they see it. To justifying and defending their belief, even if they aren't actually being attacked. I could post something on my Facebook wall, not directed at anyone, just something not Mormon promoting, and have Mormons swoop down and tell me how I am offending them and how I have zero respect for their beliefs. Its' ridiculous!

Mormons, sadly, are cultists. They don't realize it, but they are. Just because it is a large cult, doesn't mean it isn't one. It controls what they can watch, read, eat, support, become. It controls their actions, their thoughts, their education, their interactions. And they literally worship their leaders. Their faultless leaders. Sure, they are men and imperfect, but have you ever heard a Mormon say their leaders are WRONG??? No, because they actually think they are INFALLIBLE! And they will defend their bad choices even when they are shown to be bad choices. That is just mind blowing!

They bear testimony of JOSEPH SMITH! GAH! An oversexed conman who was actually damn brilliant and created a whole religion out of hat! "he was a farm boy, ignorant and uneducated, he couldn't have written the Book of Mormon". HAH!!!! He wasn't ignorant. He was a freakin genius and he got a lot of people to think he was a prophet! A lot of ladies especially, he never had a problem with the ladies. Just had to tell them god threatened him with a flaming sword, and off to bed they went.

 I wish I were making this up. But I'm not. So call me a liar all you want, but you may want to do your research before you do. You might be surprised to discover, hey yeah, you are part of a cult. And you should probably stop thinking all of us ex-mos are going to hell, because, there isn't one. Unless you count the one you are self inflicting upon yourself as the member of a crazy religious cult.

PS, why are you reading this anyways? It's not on the first presidency approved list of reading material. Why don't you go back to trying to figure out how the brother of Jared knew about pane windows or how Heleman road into battle on a tapir?
 ðŸ˜‚😂😂


Friday, May 20, 2016

Gender is NOT eternal

I've been thinking a lot about our society's current obsession with transgender and homosexual individuals.

It's not a good obsession either. It's a hateful one. It's a platitude, but it sure makes sense here: mankind seems to be afraid of things he doesn't understand. Especially for those who profess to be religious.

My understanding is that mainstream Christianity maintains that homosexuality is sinful in the eyes of god, because god created Adam and Eve, man AND woman in his own image, and gave them to each other. For whatever reason, this allows Christians who are uncomfortable with LGBTQ individuals to treat those individuals differently, and quite often, harmfully.

In LDS doctrine, members are taught that gender and biological sex are one in the same, and are eternal. Once a woman, always a woman. And gender is divine.

As I've distanced myself further from the church, I've begun to realize, through reflection and study, gender and biological sex are two different things. Biological sex refers to body parts and chromosomes. Gender refers to a psychological status, socially constructed, and in a constant state of flux from external and internal pressures.

Growing up LDS, my exposure to the real world was limited. I didn't really have much of a concept of anything outside of male and female. And I honestly believed gender was eternal, that I had always been female and that I always would be female. I didn't know about children born with both sets of genetalia. I didn't know about transgender individuals. I didn't know about XXY individuals. I knew about homosexuality, but my understanding was very limited. I kind of thought it was a last resort choice for guys who couldn't get a girl. I feel terrible about that. But I was ignorant, and no one taught me otherwise.

Gender is defined as: the state of being male or female (typically used with reference to social and cultural differences rather than biological ones). Historically, men wore pink and women wore blue. Historically, little boys wore dresses until the age of 5. Historically, men wore high heels. Historically, men hunted and women cared for children. Gender is a social construct to give roles to certain similar individuals. Gender is a psychological state of being, and as I said before, subject to internal and external pressures. What is acceptable for the "male gender" one decade, is taboo the next. Defining gender by clothing, behavior, interests, or abilities does in no way describe a biological sex. After all, my sons love what is currently defined as "girly", but that does not make them female. Gender stereotypes and gender roles are socially constructed. So if a biological male feels more comfortable assuming typical female roles, that shouldn't take away from his being male. Nor should it take away from his identifying as female if he so chooses. Your sex and your gender are two different things.

In our Christian theocracy, there is a widespread limited understanding of basic biology in regards to biological sex. The fact that homosexuality and transgenderism exist is not well understood by many people who tout themselves followers of Christ. There seems to be a lot of pent up frustration, anger, and misunderstanding. Most recently, in my experience on social media, I have noticed a trend in memes, articles, and video shares by conservative Christians that portray transgender individuals as rapists, pedophiles, or creepers. With the most recent controversy surrounding bathrooms in public venues, conservatives use excuses like "allowing transgender persons to use the bathroom of their self proclaimed gender will allow better access to perverts and predators."

I personally don't see the issue here. Perverts and predators exist, they will always exist, and they will always find ways to secure their victims. Allowing transgender individuals legal protection to use the bathroom they feel most comfortable in isn't going to bring a rise to bathroom abuse. In fact, I think it might lower some, as transgender individuals may be safer in the bathroom of their identified gender.

There are so many strange double standards in regards to homosexual and transgender individuals within the realm of religion. For example, in the LDS church, it is completely appropriate for an older male ecclesiastical leader to be a lone in a room with an under aged female and ask personal questions regarding her sexuality. However, in the LDS church, it is completely inappropriate for a gay male to oversee a group of boys. Being gay does not make you a pedophile, any more than being heterosexual does. Just because a male is attracted to males does not mean he wants to have sex with children.

There have been reported scandalous cases, and one example I will use comes from the Catholic church, where many young boys became sexual victims for ecclesiastical leaders and priests. It wasn't well addressed for many, many years. In fact, it was hidden. Now, things like this are conveniently ignored and innocent LGBTQ youth and adults are persecuted by members of Christian (and non Christian) religions. Yes there are many religious persons who welcome and accept LGBTQ individuals, and I praise and applaud them for doing the right thing. But when I see a video of an angry  self proclaimed Christian woman walking through Target, yelling it's a sin, and her children are at risk in the public bathrooms, I am sick.

The first real experience I had with a transgender individual was through youtube. There was a female who had transitioned to male. And I would never have known unless he said it. He had a girlfriend, a fantastically fit muscly body, and a deep voice. Later, my husband introduced me to more, and I watched the documentary of a transgender girl named Jazz. Her story touched me, biologically born male, but transition to female by the age of 5. This little girl, you never would have know she was born male.
http://sev.h-cdn.co/assets/15/50/980x490/landscape-1449529643-gettyimages-500345248.jpg
She looked female, talked femininely, and carried herself like a traditional little girl. And it is completely normal! But according to conservative Christians, she should use the men's room because she has a penis. This girl, all girl, with breasts, long hair, and skirts, would be forced to walk into the men's room, see grown men urinating and probably be forced to endure hateful gestures, words, and possibly abuse. That is wrong.

Gender is complicated. Biological sex is complicated. There is no perfect male or female. Genetics are a funny thing, and no, nature doesn't get it right 100% of the time. Gender roles are archaic. Forcing an entire group of people to behave, like, and look a certain way because of their genitals is WRONG.

People need to stop being afraid. They need to be educated. They need to be made to understand. We humans CREATED gender. Not god. It's not eternal. You can't tell a child who was born with a uterus and a penis, who's parents made the choice to remove the penis, that their gender is eternal, and god always meant them to be female. You can't tell a child that their biology is a mere trial of mortality, and they will be made perfect (not who they really are) in the life to come. That is cruel. That is wrong. And no boy should be persecuted for liking pink. No woman should be shamed for wanting to have a career. And no transgender individual should be labeled a predator, rapist, or pedophile when they want to use a public restroom.

Wake up America.


Helpful links:

https://www.apa.org/pi/lgbt/resources/sexuality-definitions.pdf
https://othersociologist.com/sociology-of-gender/
https://www.oneonta.edu/faculty/farberas/arth/arth200/gender.html

Suicide hotline and prevention:
http://www.thetrevorproject.org

Wednesday, May 18, 2016

The Curious Case of Enduring to the End



"My son, peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment;

And then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high; thou shalt triumph over all thy foes."

Mormon Doctrine and Covenants 121:7-8

I used to think it was a virtue to endure pain and suffering. I used to think it made you a good person to silently battle the trials god would send your way. Bad things were the refiner's fire, as taught in Malachi 3, or 3 Nephi 24 (because Joseph Smith loved to copy from  the Bible).

At the very beginning of my faith crisis, I remember having a conversation with my mom about my grandpa, her dad. The end of his life was sad, he had just recently lost his only son, his health and mind were failing. He had moved away from his home to be closer to his son, and was now alone. Just he and his wife. My mom was still in Alaska. 

He was old. My grandpa was in his 80's when he passed away. I don't remember if it was a stroke or a heart attack, but it was traumatic. My husband and I had literally arrived at my home in Alaska hours before when my mother frantically began packing a suitcase and asked my dad to take her to the airport. She flew down to St George, and was able to be with him for a few hours before they took him off life support.

So in this conversation my mom and I had, we talked about my grandpa's last few hours. And how scary they must have been. And how terrible it was he was forced to live it out until his last breath. He didn't die right away. After he was taken off of life support, which he requested, he struggled for breath. He gasped. He choked. He suffered. Until the last moment, he suffered. There was no dignity. No peace. 

I wonder now though, if he felt he was doing the right thing, or if he felt god and his angles were with him. My grandpa was a very devout man, baptized into Mormonism later in life, but stalwart nonetheless. 

Regardless, in my mind, what he was forced to endure was cruel. Even my mom, a true believing Mormon, agreed with me. Though I know she has her reservations, she doesn't believe in needless suffering.

So why is it that Mormons believe so strongly in the doctrine of enduring to the end? Why do they have this complex of suffering? Why do they seemingly welcome trials?

I remember in Sunday school many years ago seeing a painting, with one man surrounded by devils and another man having only one devil. The story went that the man with many devils was the more righteous man because he couldn't be swayed, while the other man with one devil was easily swayed. Mormons believe the more righteous you are, the more trouble you will face from mortality and the adversary (Mormon's way of saying Satan). The more trials you receive, the more god loves you. 

I now think this cruel. To tell someone suffering that this is god's way of showing his love, its just cruel. Mormons get around the unfairness of it all by saying god knows each person individually, and therefore knows what trials they need to become exalted in the hereafter. For one person, their child must die from cancer. For another person, they must be wealthy and humble at the same time. There is such a dissonance between what people are "called upon" to endure, it makes absolutely no sense. Mormon's believe before mortality, in the preexistence, people were of different calibers of righteousness. And while they don't believe that anyone is punished for their premortal mistakes, they sometimes will say of a child that died too soon "they were too perfect". In Mormonism, children that die before baptism, which takes place at the age of 8, are saved automatically in god's kingdom. So in some ways, dying as a child is a merciful thing. And families use it as motivation to more fully live the gospel, so they can be saved right along side their child.

For Mormons, suffering is a virtue. Suffering quietly is godlike. When you are called upon to bear a burden such as terminal cancer, you must do so with a smile on your face. You must continue to have faith and be charitable and kind. You must not complain. Complaining shows a lack of trust in god, and weakness of the flesh. You may not understand why god has asked you to endure this, but you understand he knows better than you, and this is for your own good. You may receive blessings on healing, and they may or may not come true. If they come true it was god's will, if they don't, it was god's will. It's always god's will.  If you pray in faith to be healed and you are, your faith was sufficient. If you pray in faith and die, maybe your faith wasn't sufficient. Or maybe that wasn't god's plan. It always, no matter what, ends up in god's favor.

My original idea for this post certainly got away from me.....I meant to talk about euthanasia, and went in a whole different direction. 

I'd still like to touch on that. For my grandpa, when my mom and I talked about it, she didn't readily admit it, but we both came to the conclusion it was cruel and wrong to make him gasp until his last breath. That it would have been so much kinder to just put him to sleep. Mormons don't believe in euthanasia. They believe all life is in god's hands and sacred. They believe the body is a temple, and that we should not intentionally harm or destroy it. Intentionally causing death, like euthanasia, is against god's commandments. But pulling the plug and letting them suffer into death, that is okay.

When I worked lived in Utah, I met a woman who was due to have her baby the exact same day as me. We joked that we would be fighting over our doctor's time in the hospital. One day, I learned that her baby had a congenital defect, and would not live. She was given the option to abort, or let her pregnancy play out as long as it would. If she were to abort, she would have the option of seeing her baby alive, because they would deliver it within the amniotic sac. If she let it die in utero, it would most likely decompose before delivery.

She chose to let her pregnancy play out. I don't know if it is because of the doctrine of not killing, and not having abortions. But that is what she did. I don't pretend it is an easy choice. I myself could never have made that choice. I did know one woman who decided to abort by delivering her baby and seeing it alive. It lived a mere few minutes, and when they ruptured the sac and cut the cord, it died almost immediately. 

Cases like this remind me there is no inherent value to life. There is no inherent purpose. And forcing people to suffer out of superstition is wrong. In both cases, the women were advised to pray to see what god wanted them to do. Both of them thought their families were eternal and they would have their perfect babies in the world to come. And both of them went through traumatic experiences. And both of them were congratulated on their faith in god's plan. Neither one of them will live her life free of the pain and hurt this caused them, but they are both probably determined to endure it well thinking they will see their babies again. 

My grandma passed away two months after my grandpa. Alone in her room at the home. She was forced to live out the end of her life, lonely and sad, and physically deteriorating. My grandpa on my dad's side, was forced to live out the end of his life. At one point he shouted out that he didn't want to do it anymore, that he was dying. My amazing, strong, barrel chested Bumpa, was broken at the end of his life. And it was cruel. For a man who lived for the outdoor adventure of Alaska, I can't imagine how horrible that must have been. Not being able to have the use of your body. Your mind still sharp, but your body falling apart. But because our society is Christian, and we have superstitions about death and dying, he was forced to suffer to the very end. 

I hate the doctrine of enduring to the end. I think it is horrible. I think it is cruel. I think forcing people to happily bear their terrible circumstances to their very last breath is inhumane. I think its time we accepted the suffering of the world, without trying to justify in terms of deity. I hope we can get rid of the idea that certain things happen because god wants them to, or doesn't want them to. That when people get cancer, it's because of their body  not because god wanted to teach them something. That when a man is dying, we give him his dignity and don't force him to suffer. That when a woman loses her child, we don't torment her by making her think unless she is perfect she will never see her baby again.

It's time we stopped enduring, and started living.

Monday, May 16, 2016

9 Reasons why Mormons are Scary


You may have noticed by now that I have been an apostate for a couple years. And for good reason. Sure, it took me awhile to get to this point, because I was so trapped and entrenched in mind dissolving dogma, but I eventually found my way out. I understand that outside of the Mormon bubble, not many people know, or care, about what Mormons are or what they believe. That's awesome. I had no idea, I really thought Mormons were the end all be all, cure for humanity. And everyone who wasn't Mormon was miserable, even if they didn't know it.

So I thought I would compile a list for all you people out there who know nothing about Mormons to show why they are so obnoxiously scary.

(Disclaimer: this is of course not all Mormons. I will make generalizations to show overall attitudes that I have personally observed as a member and nonmember)


1. Mormons are obsessed with appearances

Mormons love to look good. They are obsessed with looking good in the public eye. When there is a famous celebrity who is a Mormon, they fawn all over them, make memes about them, have "I am a Mormon"1 interviews, and tell all their friends, look so-and-so is a Mormon! 

Appearances also mean looking good yourself. For a Mormon, there is nothing worse than someone thinking badly of you. You have to suffer quietly. You can't draw attention to what might be going wrong in your life, because others might see it as your unworthiness or lack of faith. Mental illness doesn't exist. Marital problems are a myth. Cancer is just god's way of showing how much he loves you.

But apart from personal appearances, when someone with a loud voice turns against Mormonism, the members converge against them. They band together with a mob mentality to persecute and blame anyone who leaves the church. They gang up on anyone who says the church might be false. They cannot stand appearing to be false, they cannot stand being accused of lying. They go nuts! And they defend their dogma to a fault. They will publicly humiliate and scorn anyone who poses a threat to their church.

2. They always have an agenda

Mormons are famous for their proselyting. They send young men and women all over the world to share their message. But did you know they also have the doctrine of "every member a missionary"2? That's right. They are all taught to treat everyone who is not a member as an investigator, or someone who could potentially become a member.

They are taught to be charitable and kind, not to show the world their problems, to always be an example of faithfulness, to thereby attract more people to the church. They say they don't have an agenda, but they actually do. They claim to have the truthfulness of god's kingdom, and their duty is to convert the whole world. Because "every knee shall bow and every tongue confess that Jesus is the Christ"3. There is no alternative.

So if you meet a Mormon and they are exceptionally kind, seem to have the perfect life, and want to be your bestest friend, know that their ultimate goal is to assimilate you. Because in their mind, there is nothing greater. They have scriptures that tell them they will be happy and more happy the more people they convert.

3. They are adverse to nonMormon information

Mormons are a funny group. They say the "glory of god is intelligence"4, but have a very limited library to choose from. Church leaders have been censoring what information is available to the Mormon public since its inception. And because members believe their leaders are called of god, and counsel is given out of love for their protection, they don't question.

Information that is not Mormon promoting is called "anti-Mormon" literature. It is taught to be corrosive to the soul, detrimental to faith, evil in the eyes of god. I myself was very afraid to read anything about the church that was not published by the church because I thought it would invite Satan into my home. And Satan and his followers creeped the hell out of me. 

I eased myself into apostasy slowly, first by searching for the church's well-hid essays on controversial gospel topics. In fact, most members do not know these essays exist, and I've even been told they are anti-Mormon lit because of it. But no, the church put out essays addressing common doctrinal questions, like women and the church5, blacks and the priesthood6, the Book of Abraham7, genetics and the Book of Mormon8...etc. 

But because members will only read what is put out by the church, not google questions per the advice of leaders, only use Facebook to spread the gospel, and never question, they are stuck in a rut of "the church is true" and nothing will change their minds. Even presented with evidence showing they are wrong, they will find a way to refute it.  Or they will justify, equivocate, get defensive, and remind you they have felt the spirit bear witness in their hearts that they are right and you are wrong.

4. They ignore real problems

In conjunction with being obsessed with appearances, Mormons ignore real problems. Problems like mental illness, problems like equality, problems like tithing money being used to build malls, problems like members with questions being excommunicated. 

Utah, the Mormon Mecca, is among the top states for narcotic abuse, medicated depression, suicide, pornography use, and rape9. The divorce rate is the same among Mormons as nonMormons10

But all is well in Zion. Because the Mormon leaders have been hard at work building mega malls, investing in real estate, buying media outlets such as KSL11, and teaching that homosexuality is a sin. In fact, for the longest time, it was widely accepted among Mormons that homosexuality was a choice, not a biological condition.

And now, when a Mormon says, "we don't hate gays", what they really mean is "we don't hate gays, we just don't accept them unless they are celibate, silent Mormons who don't work with the youth, don't act gay, and spread the gospel just like every other Mormon."12 Because you see, being gay is just a biological side effect of mortality, it isn't who a person is meant to be in the eternities, so if they endure this birth defect well, god will take away their gayness in the world to come and give them a righteous spouse who wasn't lucky enough to be married in this life.

I'm sorry, but that is scary.


5. They aren't taught their church's real history

When I was a young Mormon, I was taught one version of the First Vision, or Joseph Smith's story about how God appeared to him. I was shown pictures of Joseph translating gold plates. I was taught he was unfairly jailed, and unlawfully persecuted. I was taught he was murdered for being a man of god. I was taught Native Americans came from the Middle East.

But I wasn't taught that Joseph Smith and his dad were treasure hunters13. I wasn't taught he read the Book of Mormon out of a hat14. I wasn't taught that he was jailed and murdered for destroying a printing press that printed a story about his polygamous habits15. I wasn't taught he had 30 wives16, some as young as 14, and mother daughter, sister sister pairs. I wasn't taught that the witnesses never actually saw the plates17. I wasn't taught all 9 versions of the First Vision18. I wasn't taught Brigham Young's Adam/God theory19. I wasn't taught mitochondrial genetic heritage, and how the Book of Mormon claims are impossible20. I wasn't taught how the president of the church stole the relief society's grain money in the name of god21. I wasn't taught about conversion therapy for gays22. I wasn't taught about the Kinderhook plates (counterfeits that Joseph translated), or Solomon Spaulding (who's book about Napoleon mirrors almost exactly the language of the Book of Mormon, but was written years  before), or the Book of Abraham (which is actually a book of breathings according to Egyptologists)23.

Members are not taught this. They watch romanticized videos in Sunday school. They view historically inaccurate artwork (i.e. Joseph Translating actual golden plates). And if you  try to tell them this,  they say you have an agenda, that the information is anti-Mormon, and that you cannot destroy their faith.  They are so brainwashed, or insecure, or afraid, they won't even look to see if you are wrong. They just automatically assume that you are.

6. They judge everyone around them

Mormons like to say they don't judge, but oh do they. Let me tell you how. Mormons believe they have the whole truth in terms of religion. They way they turn this into something sweet, is by saying everyone else only has part of the truth. And it is their duty to "bring the world his truth"24 as the primary song goes. 

Instead of saying they judge someone, they will say they are sad for them. Or they wish they had the gospel in their lives. Or they would make such a valiant member of the church. Or they could do so much good if they only had the gospel. To Mormons looking at everyone on the outside, they only see misery. Because no one can be truly happy without the gospel of Jesus Christ. They may not realize how unhappy they are, but that is because they don't know any better. And that is why Mormons have a conversion obsession, always trying to convert everyone around them.

They may say they don't hate gays, but they think they are wrong in their lifestyle. They may not hate feminists, but they know that is not what god has ordained for women. They may not hate other religions, but they know theirs in the most correct. They may not judge unrighteous people, but they know god will judge them for their sins25.

7. There are only three kinds of people: member, nonmember, apostate

To a Mormon, there used to be only two kinds of people: Members and NonMembers. And more recently, a third has been added with the glory of the internet and social media: the Apostate. Sure, there have always been dissenters, since the early days of the church even, but now they have a loud and recognizable voice.

Members are god's chosen people. NonMembers are god's lost sheep and have the potential to be Members if Members fellowship them and they are humble enough to receive the good world. Apostates are the spawn of Satan who have tasted of the "fruit of the tree"26 and forsaken their god. Apostates always have an agenda to tear the church down and destroy the faithful.

Unfortunately, apostates are just those who have discovered the true nature of the church. And even more unfortunate, they idea of "spread the good word" is so engrained in them from their Mormon days they can't help but share what they know. It's like the anti-testimony, you have to share it because you have been taught the more you do, the more it will grow, and the more it will touch the lives of others. As an ex-mormon, or Apostate, I can very much relate. I was devastated when I discovered my church was false. It was my whole world. It was my identity. And I was so committed to it, that now, on the other side, I feel the same sense of urgency, the same duty, to tell Members about what I have discovered. The problem is, being so entrenched in the doctrine, it is hard to listen to anything against the church. Which is why it took me two years to reason my way out of it.

8. Their leaders are infallible

This one is particularly scary. Mormons believe that men are subject to the flesh, meaning that they can make mistakes. But they believe that leaders are called and chosen of god for their faithfulness and ability to be true to the gospel. And with god as their constant companion, they cannot lead the members astray. Therefore, the leaders do become infallible to the members and they will follow them right off the edge of the earth.

Mormons will vote for who the prophet tells them to vote for. They will legislate the way the prophet tells them. They will shun who they are told to shun. They will only read what they are told to read. They will wear what they are told to wear. They will live where they are told to live. They will pay what they are told to pay.

Mormons follow the prophet to a fault. Including defending a crazy old man's rantings about how being gay is a choice, and god would never create a gay person27. They believe when they are given misinformation about the founding members of the church, about the doctrine, about the evidence.

Joseph Smith is a godlike character to them, and while they say they don't worship him, a significant portion of there education curriculum is devoted just to him. And when bearing testimony, they will often recite the words "I know Joseph Smith was a prophet". They won't say "I know Joseph Smith cheated on Emma, I know he had a wife who was 14 years old, I know he destroyed printing presses and wasted gobs of the saints' money, I know he told different versions of his first vision, I know he used a rock in a hat to translate the Book of Mormon". 

And when a leader makes a mistake, there is always a nice excuse. But they are never, ever faulted.

9. They want a Mormon theocracy

The fact that Mormons want a Mormon theocracy is probably the scariest. Sure, if they want to remain in their own little cult bubble, that's fine. But most Mormons would be delighted at a Mormon president creating a Mormon government. Because they have the truth of course, and the world needs them to shine a light and make everything wrong right.

This could mean many things. For one, no gay marriage. Two, no abortions. Three, no ladies working outside of the home. Four, no tank tops. Five, no tattoos or body piercings. Six, no coffee, tea or alcohol. Seven, no business on the Sabbath. Eight, Mormon Creationism taught in schools. 

It would start small of course, because Mormons believe in agency, and all men making their own choices, "let them worship how, where or what they may", but eventually it would turn into large scale decisions for the greater good.

Mormon leaders historically have told members how to vote. Vote to keep prohibition. Vote for prop 8, vote for Romney, vote no for marijuana. Utah legislation has also most recently declared pornography a public health crisis, instead of addressing the problem of inversion and pollution. 

Would you want a president who prayed for answers rather than used evidence and advisors? Would you want a president who's religion and god came first? Would you want a president who listened to an ecclesiastical leader before anyone else? Of course, Christian America nods their head, with the little caveat of "well, if they were catholic, or baptist, or evangelical". Right? What is they were Buddhist? Or Hindu? Or Muslim? Would you agree then with their theocracy? Probably not.

Religion has no place in government. Government should remain religiously impartial. But Mormons would be tickled pink if a Mormon was elected president. That man, because it's not a woman's place to lead, would be called and chosen of god to redeem our fallen nation. In fact, Joseph Smith prophesied that Mormons would literally save the country from the brink of destruction.



And these are just a few of the reasons why Mormons are actually scary. 



1. I am a Mormon
https://www.mormon.org/people
2. Every Member a Missionary
https://www.lds.org/manual/teachings-david-o-mckay/chapter-6?lang=eng
3. Every Knee shall bow
https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/mosiah/27.31?lang=eng
4. the glory of god is intelligence
https://www.lds.org/youth/video/the-glory-of-god-is-intelligence?lang=eng
5. Women and the church
https://www.lds.org/topics/mother-in-heaven?lang=eng
https://www.lds.org/topics/joseph-smiths-teachings-about-priesthood-temple-and-women?lang=eng
6. Blacks and the Priesthood
https://www.lds.org/topics/race-and-the-priesthood?lang=eng
7. Book of Abraham
https://www.lds.org/topics/translation-and-historicity-of-the-book-of-abraham?lang=eng
8.Genetics and the Book of Mormon
https://www.lds.org/topics/book-of-mormon-and-dna-studies?lang=eng
9. Porn use among members
http://www.deseretnews.com/article/705288350/Utah-No-1-in-online-porn-subscriptions-report-says.html?pg=all
10. Divorce rate
A 1999 study by Barna Research of nearly 4,000 U.S. adults showed that 24% of Mormon marriages end in divorce -- a number statistically equal to the divorce rate among all Americans.
11. Church media and other investments
http://www.ldsdaily.com/church-lds/follow-profit-guide-lds-churchs-profit-companies/
12. Church Handbook about gays
http://www.sltrib.com/home/3144035-155/new-mormon-policy-would-make-apostates
13. Treasure hunters
http://mormonmatters.org/2009/10/10/joseph-smith-treasure-seeker-or-prophet/
https://www.lds.org/ensign/2015/10/joseph-the-seer?lang=eng
14. Book of Mormon translated out of a hat
https://www.lds.org/ensign/2015/10/joseph-the-seer?lang=eng
15. The printing press
http://www.lds-mormon.com/06.shtml
16. Polygamy and Joseph Smith
http://www.npr.org/sections/thetwo-way/2014/11/11/363324816/mormon-church-admits-founder-joseph-smith-had-up-to-40-wives
17. Spiritual eyes
http://en.fairmormon.org/Book_of_Mormon/Witnesses/%22Eye_of_Faith%22_and_%22Spiritual_Eye%22_statements_by_Martin_Harris
18. 9 first visions
http://cesletter.com/debunking-fairmormon/first-vision.html
19. Adam/god
http://mit.irr.org/adam-god-doctrine
20. Genetics and the Book of Mormon
https://www.lds.org/topics/book-of-mormon-and-dna-studies?lang=eng
21. Relief Society grain money
http://ordainwomen.org/how-mormon-women-were-correlated-out-of-lds-church-finances/
22. Conversion therapy
http://www.ldsresources.info/lds-reparative-therapy-studies/
http://religionnews.com/2016/03/17/mormon-statement-officially-denounces-abusive-conversion-therapy-lgbts/
23. Kinderhood, Solomon Spaulding, Book of Abraham
https://www.lds.org/ensign/1981/08/kinderhook-plates-brought-to-joseph-smith-appear-to-be-a-nineteenth-century-hoax?lang=eng
http://en.fairmormon.org/Forgeries_related_to_Mormonism/Joseph_Smith_and_the_Kinderhook_Plates
http://en.fairmormon.org/Book_of_Abraham/Joseph_Smith_Papyri
http://www.fairmormon.org/perspectives/publications/ask-the-apologist-solomon-spaulding-and-the-book-of-mormon
24. Armies of Heleman
https://www.lds.org/music/library/childrens-songbook/well-bring-the-world-his-truth-army-of-helaman?lang=eng
25. Final judgment
https://www.lds.org/scriptures/gs/judgment-the-last?lang=eng
26. Lehi’s dream
https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/1-ne/8
27. Elder Packer’s conference Address
http://www.deseretnews.com/article/700072230/Mormon-church-clarifies-intent-of-President-Boyd-K-Packers-talk.html?pg=all