Saturday, October 7, 2017

Gun Control Using a Mormon Analogy

Mormons love parables :) Well, I guess it might be a universally Christian thing. But Mormons also believe that many of their doctrines are created with the weakest of saints in mind. If everyone was stalwart and true, the rules wouldn't be as strict because everyone would be good. Like the difference between the Law of Moses and Jesus' new commandments. If you're naughty, you get privileges for everyone taken away. So, seeing as how we've had lots of naughty folks recently, I created the "Word of Gun Wisdom"


1. Given for a principle with promise, adapted to the capacity of the weak and the weakest of all Americans, who are or can be called Americans; behold, in consequence of evils and designs which do and will exist in the hearts of conspiring domestic terrorists in the USA, I have warned you, and forewarn you!

2. Guns are not for recreation, neither for terrorism, and are not good for people, but are a tool for sustenance hunting to be used with judgment and skill.

3. Handguns are unnecessary, and should be replaced with mace and pepper spray. It is not meet that a citizen should murder his neighbor for entering his home. It is not meet that a citizen should consider killing before a fair trial. Verily, law enforcement exists to carry out the laws of the land.

4. Again, Rifles and shot guns are for the hunting of wild animals in times of famine and excess hunger. The sport of killing is wasteful and Walmart existeth to feed the hungry.

5. Again, semiautomatic and automatic weapons are not for anyone outside of the military, engaged in active combat. It is not meet that citizens should be able to purchase weapons of this nature.

6. And all Americans who remember to keep and do these sayings, walking in obedience shall receive health in their navel and marrow to their bones and aid in the lowering of gun violence statistics. This a promise that shall only be filled when gun control laws are passed.


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